I’ve waited all year for the first sight of flurries. I was shocked to see them falling so late, I guess early, at 3:30 a.m. Maybe Mother Nature was trying to keep me company, but only wearing a hoodie, I had a tough time feeling so lucky. My options were to either freeze, as I am now, or lie in bed wide awake. So, here I am traveling to your house as a one-man parade. Last night had me thinking, and here I’m wishing, that I had the nerve like you did to try to jump start a new beginning. I took time to reflect, and I had to ask myself what I could possibly do next. I was hoping that I would come up with a solution as I’m taking these steps.
I wish there was some sort of simple magic trick that could take us back to the way things were. I only know of one and it involves me apologizing for being so unsure. I remember the first date that we had, and I was nervous because it was not you that opened your front door, it was your dad. He was visiting from out of town, and needless to say, he was shocked to see me. I was standing there, wearing my tie, a bouquet of sunflowers in hand, and I’m pretty sure the sweat on my forehead was profusely beading.
You shoved his large frame out of the way, and there you were, and how someone could be so beautiful, that question to this day still leaves me unsure. We had plenty of laughs that evening. Shared stories. We even got lost into each other’s eyes as we forgot what time it was, so we wouldn’t have to say goodbye. More nights like that passed and there were plenty of days we shared. For the first time I felt like there was no reason to be scared. For me to open up, it’s always been difficult. For me to meet someone that makes everything feel so natural is a complete miracle.
All my fears subsided, that is, until yesterday evening. Which has now led me a couple of blocks away from your place with an uncertain meaning. Another night, much like all the ones that I have reminisced before, watching TV on the couch and holding hands. Nothing more I could’ve asked for. Maybe it was the heat of the moment, literally, maybe the fire in the chimney made you see in a new light as you spit out the words that rolled off of your tongue that you could no longer bite.
I love you.
A whisper I don’t believe I will never forget, but I froze up and choked, another memory I will always regret. You waited for what seemed like a century before you accepted defeat and threw on your coat. Ran out my door and began walking down the street. As silly as it may sound, that’s another reason why I’m walking to your house. Following your footsteps and inhaling the same winter breeze might make me understand how you felt as the cold makes its way through my veins like some unfortunate disease.
My time has run out as I stand outside of your house. Thinking what else I should say after exchanging a simple hi, and with the snow falling harder now, I would be lying if I said I hope you don’t invite me inside. Your little brick cottage shows no signs of life with a lack of any sort of movement in sight. Walking up the sidewalk seemed never-ending as I came up with last-minute apologies and metaphors that I could start presenting. I ring the doorbell and patiently wait for an answer, crossing my fingers in hopes to avoid another disaster.
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